Writing Advice That Makes Me Want to Scream Into the Abyss
‘Just write every day.’ Okay, let me also breathe air and drink water while I’m at it.
We’ve all heard writing advice that sounds profound but is, in reality, about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Some of it is harmless but vague (“just write!”), while other pieces make me want to scream into a pillow until my neighbors call for a wellness check.
Today, let’s talk about the worst writing advice I’ve ever encountered to hopefully save your sanity.
🕮 This Week’s Bookish Mood
Me, reading a book where the female lead is stranded in the wilderness but somehow smells like chamomile and broken dreams:
The Absolute Worst Writing Advice
“Show, don’t tell.”
Ah yes, let me describe my protagonist’s emotional breakdown through an elaborate metaphor involving rain, a wilting flower, and a bird that just realized it forgot how to fly—because apparently, simply saying she’s heartbroken is a crime.
“Just write every day!”
Of course! Let me also get eight hours of sleep, drink enough water, exercise regularly, maintain relationships, and somehow not collapse into a pit of existential dread. Also, people have jobs, ya know? And I post on @theauthorrach socials EVERY SINGLE DAY. This is a one-woman show; sometimes the best I can do is a 30-minute sprint on a Tuesday, and that'll have to do.
“Readers want strong female characters.”
What they mean is: "Make her strong, but in a way that still prioritizes the male lead." She’s allowed to be tough, but only if it’s quirky toughness. She can throw a punch, but never actually hurt anyone. And God forbid she has emotions outside of sarcastic one-liners.
Also this gem: “WRITE” no shit Sherlock
And while we’re at it, I’d also like to share:
Tropes That Need to Be Set on Fire
The Junk Food Girl™
She exists on a diet of cupcakes, pizza, and milkshakes yet remains effortlessly petite. The male lead, of course, finds this adorable. No one mentions her inevitable vitamin deficiency.
The Absurdly Perfect Male Lead™
He’s built like a pro football player yet has never stepped foot in a gym. He has abs that defy science, and his workout routine consists of brooding, drinking whiskey, and occasional sword fighting (yes, looking at you Damon Salvatore).
Meanwhile, my character Jake Hawthorne is a rockstar AND he is also pale af and skinny because he's worked like a horse (and also an alcoholic). The physical attributes? They gotta match the character, bestie.
The Male Fantasy Woman™
She sleeps in a bra. She wakes up with perfect makeup. She’s always wearing skirts, but it’s never a personal choice, just a default setting, like a Sims character.
Actually Decent Writing Advice (That Won’t Make You Cry)
I don’t want us to just yell without offering some solutions, so here’s what actually works for people who have real-world responsibilities:
Write when you can. Don’t hate yourself when you can’t.
“Show, don’t tell” is not a law. Some telling is necessary unless you want your book to be 800,000 words long.
Characters need flaws beyond “too beautiful” or “too selfless.” Let them be messy.
If this post made you laugh (or pull your hair out), make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss next week’s chaos. Because trust me, I have thoughts on fictional men and you might have to hold me back.
𓂃🖊